Relationship

Effective Communication The Key To Successful Conflict Resolution In A Long Distance Relationship

Posted on by blogger

Long distance relationships are not immune to the conflicts that occasionally rare up in all forms of human interactions. The first time that a conflict occurs between a couple in a long distance relationship, they are likely to get alarmed wondering whether the conflict could be a signal that their relationship is headed for the rocks. After all, long distance love relationships are delicate, or arent they?

Well, the occurrence of a conflict in a relationship in which the partners are separated by distance doesnt necessarily signal the beginning of the end for that relationship. How well your long distance relationship survives the conflicts that come its way depends to a very great extend on how you handle the conflicts and attempt to resolve them.

There are three keys to successful conflict resolution in long distance relations (as in all relationships indeed), namely communication, communication and communication.

Communication has variously been described as the bridge that bridges the chasm that is human misunderstanding. Now a common thread that runs in all conflicts that affect human interactions is a feeling that one is not being understood, or that ones point of view is being looked down upon. And petty as these feelings sound on paper, they can actually be very painful when it is you who is experiencing them. But whatever the cause of conflict in a long distance relationship, and whatever the emotional feelings underlying it, you (either as the party who has been wronged or as the allegedly at-fault party) will have to communicate properly with other party to the long distance relationship, if your conflict is to have an amicable resolution.

Communication as used in conflict resolution basically means making an effort to see things from the other partys point of view, even if you dont accept with that point of view. Once you can communicate to the other party that you are seeing things from their point of view (or at least making an attempt to), then you would be in a position to put your own point of view across to them with a greater chance of success. And once you can see things from the other partys point of view, and the other party can see things from your point of view, you have a better chance of finding a midpoint or a compromise position between your points of view on whatever issue happens to be the source of your conflict and thereby resolve the conflict amicably.

Rebound Relationships Can Help You Get Your Ex Back

Posted on by blogger

If your relationship has turned sour recently and your boyfriend or husband has chosen a rebound relationship, how do you go about getting him back? A rebound relationship is where someone dates another person soon after splitting up with their partner, to try and get over their ex. These types of relationships offer a break from the many emotions you go through after a break up. When someone needs help moving on from real love, they can turn to a rebound relationship.

And this point is important in getting him back. The fact that he is in a rebound relationship to get over breaking up with you, speaks volumes. The cause of the breakup doesn’t matter. If it was you or him that announced the split, still does not matter.

Looking beyond the cause of the split, you can see that it was real love. If you remember one thing from this article, remember this; true love almost always has a way of being saved. The rebound relationship will make him think about the things that went wrong in the relationship he had with you.

If he has picked a rebound partner completely the opposite of what you are like, this is normal because he will be trying to have less reminders of you. At this point he will be noticing the differences between his rebound partner and you, which is great for you for two reasons.

1. He cant help but think about you when he is around her.
2. It gives you an insight into what he is thinking.

If he has chosen someone as different as you can get to yourself, then it might be a hint that he felt he was missing something. If you think this rings true, try using the time you have apart to make improvements in your own life. Don’t try to break the new relationship up. The more time he spends with his new partner, the more flaws he will start to notice in her.

After a little while, he will start to think of you as the better relationsihp option. This is the main reason you want him to do whatever he is going to do. He will come to the conclusion that he misses you, all by himself. When he does come back asking for you, you wont need to play hard to get.

Just focus on the improvements that you have made for yourself and he will do all the chasing. When your ex moves on to a rebound relationship, know that you can get back together at some point. Keep in mind that for him to be in this type of relationship means that he had strong feelings for you when you were together and he still has them.

The Relationship Compass – Should You Be Headed Into or Out of Your Relationship

Posted on by blogger

The only investors staying the course are those with a broken compass.”

— from an ad for BNY Mellon

When I saw this ad it immediately made me think about people who enter and/or stay in unhealthy, unhappy relationships. Some people seem to have a broken Relationship Compass. They enter relationships with people they shouldn’t be with or they stay in relationships they shouldn’t stay in. Let’s look at some of the reasons this happens.

The family that you grew up in might have set a model for relationships that isn’t a good model. It could be a family where there was violence, hostility, intimidation, alcoholism, etc. If this is what you grew up with, then this is what you might consider “normal” or inevitable. If that’s the case, then you could tolerate, accept, or expect such unhealthy things to exist in your own relationships.

The culture that you grew up in could have taught you to expect or tolerate things that shouldn’t exist in a healthy relationship — like sexism, alcoholism, violence, etc. In this case, even if you recognize what’s wrong, you may consider those things the “natural” or inevitable components of relationships.

The family or culture that you grew up in might have told you that leaving relationships is unacceptable, intolerable, unforgivable, or immoral. In this case, even if you figure out that the relationship is a bad place to be, you may believe that you must not or cannot leave it.

Cultures in which obedience or submission are values, particularly in women, give the intentional message that the vows are unconditional, and that there is no justification ever for terminating them, since decision-making isn’t within your power.

Cultures or religions in which the vows are considered unconditional compacts make it clear that terminating a relationship is unacceptable without exception. This can be a moral or religious issue where there is never a justification for “breaking a solemn promise”.

Families sometimes say, explicitly, things like, “You made your bed; now lie in it.” In this case the belief is that choices are irrevocable and that mistakes are uncorrectable. There is even a message, explicit or implicit, that you should be punished for having made a mistake.

There could be compelling reasons to stay even if you feel it’s an unhealthy place to be.

If you believe (accurately or erroneously) that you can’t support yourself or your children if you leave a bad relationship, you may feel you must stay. This consideration sometimes trumps any consideration for the toxic quality for you or your children of remaining permanently in an unhealthy situation.

If you fear retribution if you even attempt to leave, then staying may feel safer than leaving. Even with the increasing availability of sanctuaries for people who leave abusive situations, not everyone is convinced that safety can be ensured if they leave.

If you fear that you will be rejected by extended family, friends, or society if you leave, you may stay because you fear ostracism from your support system. It can feel safer, and even more comfortable, to remain in an unhealthy situation and retain your social network than it would be to leave and be isolated socially.

Sometimes people believe that the natural course of relationships involves phases during which the relationship is not good or positive and that this is just the way it is, either temporarily or as a permanent evolution of the relationship.

If this is a temporary situation AND it is addressed by one or both partners, that’s not necessarily troublesome or a reason to consider exiting the relationship.

If it’s been an increasingly negative trajectory, this should not be assumed to be the natural course of relationships. Healthy relationships get BETTER over time, not worse. As partners mature and as they increasingly learn how to be better partners, healthy relationships grow stronger, more positive, and more loving. (Sometimes that’s because there was in fact a rough patch that they navigated in healthy and growthful ways.)

Serious relationships deserve serious consideration and substantial effort before they’re terminated. I am not advocating precipitous action to terminate a relationship because there’s a rocky moment or even problematic behavior or interaction.

I am suggesting that for some people, because of history, training, or personality, or because of fear, loyalty, or unreasoning hope, sometimes the Relationship Compass points IN when it should, more self-respectfully, point OUT.

I’m Still Madly In Love With My Ex And I Want Them Back

Posted on by blogger

At the breakup of a long term relationship or marriage there are many who are still thinking to themselves, “I’m still in love with my ex.” This is common, so you are not alone in your thinking. You probably still have some hope that you can get them back. Even if things seem bleak right now and hope is little, it does not mean you cant get your ex back. Not only can you get them back, but the relationship can be stronger than ever. But, when you find that you are saying, “I’m still in love with my ex”, and you are longing to get your relationship back you will have to make it stronger if it has more of a chance to last.

Be careful in your anxiousness to get your lover back. For those impatiently declaring “I’m still in love with my ex” you may be too quick to turn back the hands of time. You may get what you ask for now, but if done incorrectly you may have the same final results that you experienced before.

The best place to begin is at ground zero. Take the time to figure out what mistakes were made in the previous relationship and also how the mistakes had an impact on the relationship. This will begin the process of building a stronger love than was present before. Starting all over again from scratch is the way to get back the one you love. You have to behave smarter this second time around, so tell yourself, “Yes, I’m still in love with my ex, but I want it to be better this time around.”

Let your renewed relationship happen naturally, and not in a contrived manor. Start up a friendship with your ex first, but take it slowly. If your ex feels that you are just trying to jump back into the relationship and things will be no different, than getting back together may not happen. It’s an age old saying, but if you are supposed to be together than it will happen.

You may experience a lot of crying and depression after your breakup but dont let your ex see it. Try your best to think positively as well. Most plans only succeed if you think positively. Acting depressed to your ex is more of a turn off than not. They probably would think “I dont want that in my life.” But, if they sense you are actually happy they will be curious as to what is going on, and re-think the breakup.

Ask yourself, “What type of person would I like to be with?” Would your ex like to be with that type as well? The majority of people want to hang around happy people who can create happiness in other’s lives too. That is the type of person you will want to be. Try to be someone that is in a good mood, can make others smile and can make a person feel they are wanted in life. Make your ex feel special to you.

You will be able to get your ex back and regain that love again if you can make yourself valuable to your ex. As well you want to make them feel needed by you. A balance of both is necessary. It is one thing to say, “I’m still in love with my ex”, but unless you take your time in building a stronger foundation than you had before you will not be able to get the love you had back as well as a stronger relationship.

Top 10 Lottery Horror Stories

Posted on by blogger

Not very many people win the lottery, but of those who win, many lose all their winnings and end up with less money than before they won. Some winners were simply foolish, some were greedy, some had greedy relatives and friends, and some fell prey to thieves and crooks. Here are the stories of 10 people who won the lottery then lost it all.

#1 Evelyn Adams

In 1985 AND 1986, Evelyn Adams won the lottery – equaling a total winning of $5.4 million. However, today – she has no money “Winning the lottery isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be,” says Evelyn Adams, who won the New Jersey lottery not just once, but twice (1985, 1986), to the tune of $5.4 million. Today the money is all gone and Adams lives in a trailer. She lost money in slot machines, and couldn’t seem to say no to relatives and friends. Evelyn’s big win ended in a big loss.

#2 William Post

In 1988, William Post won $16.2 million in the Pennsylvania lottery but now lives on his Social Security. Post’s former girlfriend sued him for a share of his winnings and one of his brothers was arrested for hiring a hit man to kill him, hoping to inherit a share of the winnings. His relationship with his other siblings was also strained and he spent some time in jail. Within a year, he was $1 million in debt and eventually declared bankruptcy. He now lives on only $450 a month and food stamps.

#3 Suzanne Mullins

In 1993, Suzanne Mullins won $4.2 million in the Virginia lottery. Now she’s deeply in debt to a company that lent her money using the winnings as collateral. She borrowed $197,746.15 from this company, but eventually stopped making payments on the loan. She blamed the debt on the lengthy illness of her uninsured son-in-law, who needed $1 million for medical bills. Needless to say, her lottery win did not end in happiness.

#4 Ken Proxmire Ken Proxmire won $1 million in the Michigan lottery. Within 5 years he filed for bankruptcy after moving to California and starting a car business with his brothers. He has now returned to his job as a machinist.

#5 Willie Hurt

In 1989, Willie Hurt of Lansing, Mich., won $3.1 million. Only two years later he was broke and charged with murder after spending his fortune on a divorce and crack cocaine.

#6 Janite Lee

In 1993, Janite lee of Missouri won $18 million. Lee was generous to a variety of causes, including various political organizations, education programs and the community services. According to published reports, eight years after winning, Lee had filed for bankruptcy with only $700 left.

#7 Southeastern Family

In the early 1990s, a Southeastern family won $4.2 million. In almost no time at almost all of their winnings were spent on a huge house, cars, and various requests from family members. They bought a huge house and succumbed to repeated family requests for help in paying off debts. Eleven years after winning, the couple got divorced, the house was sold and what was left of their lottery winnings had to be split.